Many of us are guilty of blaming narcissists for all of our relationship troubles, but the truth is, if you’ve attracted one, there is a GOLDEN lesson in there for you. Chances are, you’re more similar than you think! We actually attract partners that mirror us, but we have to look past the surface in order to recognize this.
Same Core Issue, Different Defence Mechanism
The Narcissist’s Defence Mechanism
Narcissists generally carry deep abandonment or shame issues, whether due to a difficult childhood, rejection at school, or some other past event which triggered a deep sense of isolation, guilt and lovelessness.
They typically protect this wound by making sure they (or you) never get too deep into their true feelings, and they do this by closing the lid on their pain and relying on a “safe” yet fragile fantasy world. When it comes to romantic relationships, this fantasy world often relies on romantic idealization, superficiality, lust, and flirting sprees, as well as getting their ego fed by attention and praise — addictions which serve as a replacement for the love they feel starved of.
Hint: If they make you feel like the most beautiful, perfect, and amazing prince/princess in the world during the early stages of your relationship but you feel like there is no real depth to the relationship (like you don’t even really know them and they don’t really know you), that’s the fantasy they live in – the one they’re are subconsciously luring you into. It’s a fairytale performance.